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liam_neeson_zeusLast night, I decided that Elsinne would practice her hide-and-seek skills in the Barrens, at the Bael Modan dig site. The Ironforge dwarves have been ripping up the place lately, tearing the homes and lives away from the tauren that had been there. It sounded like some unsuspecting dwarves deserved to die. While Elsinne was in the World of Warcraft leaving bodies all over the red mountain, I decided that I would watch the movie Taken, starring Liam Neeson.

The movie wasn’t an incredibly bad movie, but it certainly wasn’t an incredibly good movie. I won’t go into too much detail about the movie because … well … there isn’t much detail to go ino. Essentially, if you’ve seen the trailer for Taken, then you’ve seen Taken. In a nut shell, the movie was this:

1. Retired super spy loves his daughter but his birthday presents suck. Her new stepdaddy’s wallets are way bigger.

2. Retired super spy’s daughter is kidnapped by Albanian international prostitution ring.

3. Retired super spy makes threats on phone to Albanian international prostitution ring.

4. Retired super spy makes good on threats to Albanian international prostitution ring.

5. Retired super spy rescues daughter.

6. Retired super spy can one-up daughter’s stepdaddy due to otherwise utterly meaningless coincidence introduced early in the movie.

The whole time I watched the movie, I was sitting there thinking, This movie is exactly the same as the Transporter movies except there isn’t the blatant Audi product placement and Liam Neeson never takes his shirt of and kills people with it. Other than that, it might just as well have been Transporter 4. Imagine my amazing surprise when I discovered that the writers of this film also wrote the Transporter movies.

I watched a 57-year-old Liam Neeson perform circus-like acrobatics and dodge hundreds of rounds of high power ammunition for ninety minutes and then it was all over. The super spy went home with only a couple of bruises and Elsinne had shanked every dwarf in Bael Modan and managed to destroy a dwarven flying ship to boot. The Barrens was now safer, thanks to Elsinne. Tauren could begin returning to their home soon and it was all thanks to Liam Neeson keeping me company. Thanks, Liam.

May 2024
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May 2024
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